defaults write .GlobalPreferences com.apple.mouse.ignoreTrackpadIfMousePresent 0
So my next plan was to enable ARD on her laptop and remote in, it hopefully registering the ARD clicks (i could always block off the user with it too. Soooo, I eventually found this command:
sudo /System/Library/CoreServices/RemoteManagement/ARDAgent.app/Contents/Resources/kickstart -activate -configure -access -on -clientopts -setvnclegacy -vnclegacy yes -clientopts -setvncpw -vncpw mypasswd -restart -agent -privs -all
The "kickstart" command does have a -help option. I found I had to edit some of these options because I couldn't get it to start straight away. Got there in the end.